Hello and welcome to the scott take, a quick and daily musing brought to you by the podking himself. Today, I’m talking about Writing Out What You’re Saying, so it won’t be long.By writing out what you’re saying, I mean writing a script and then speaking the script out loud. Into a microphone. Exactly how I’m doing now.That’s right. Most Scott Takes are brought to you purely out of the ether of my mind. But not this one. I prepared each and every word I’m saying today.I even wrote out Hello and welcome to the Scott Take, a quick and daily musing brought to you by the podking himself. I also wrote it again that second time I said it.Not a single thing about this episode is extemporaneous .How does that make you feel? Is it obvious I’m just reading a damn script? Do I sound like a wooden puppet dangling from the hands of an unskilled puppeteer?It’s ok. I’m sure my delivery isn’t that bad or fake by now. You might even think I’m saying all this randomly. But now that I think about it, I really butchered extemporaneously earlier. That sounds like one of those words that I write but never actually get a chance to say.Anyway, onto the rest of the episode. If I have a script for this and we are only twenty three percent through the episode, I gotta imagine there is some good stuff ahead.
I have no idea what it could be.
This is me speaking as a writer. The guy speaking this in the future (but your past) is probably thinking to himself this is so so so so so dumb, and I might as well just stop now. Give up the pretense for the rest of the episode, tell you how I feel and just move on. I gotta life too, ya know? Things to think about. Responsibilities to assess. Dangers to look out for. Do you really think I’ll spend my time sitting here, writing a thousand words, just to speak them into a microphone?What am I going to do? Take the runtime for my vocal track and divide one thousand with it? Then I’d have a speaking rate for myself and I guess I could think about that sometimes. Maybe make it slower. Maybe make it faster. Television anchors speak at like one hundred fifty words per minute. Tony Robbins goes at a steady two hundred words per minute and some people don’t speak any words in a minute. It takes them like ten fifteen minutes to say a word.
So what would I do with my speaking rate? Maybe the title of the episode could be Scott Talking At This Specific Rate Of Speech. Maybe I can aim for 170 and tell people to run to my podcasts. Foot hits ground every word, about. I dunno if that makes sense. David write in. Let me know how fast I need to talk to qualify as an exercise aid. I’ll make SCOTTCast Gets Fit or something. Maybe I’ll just listen to myself and run, run away from my own manic tantrum into the microphone. Now that is art. I decide that image is art. That’s all you need to do to make art. Don’t expect anybody to agree but that’s all you need for you.Boy howdy, I think we’re past the halfway point of this podcast. Jesus it feels like a journey in the sahara according to writer Scott. He’s about to go back to the kitchen and get a Lager of the Lakes. Hemingway said write with a slight buzz and edit whenever, right?So that was crazy. I went to crack the beer open and the tab just fell off. It left a little hole up top but that was it. I tried jabbing it open with a chopstick to no avail. Then I got a glass and I tried pouring it but the hole was so small it practically kept itself sealed. I squeezed the can like a box of hi-c and felt like I failed shotgunning 101. But I’m back now, and that put a hundred word dent in this journey of a pod.I have to be sounding wooden by now. Let me know if this is tolerable. Or even noticeable. If it’s not noticeable, then I might type out every podcast I do. Why sit around and hope you have something clever to say when you can just make sure you have clever stuff to say? Why not fake all the authenticity? If it’s not noticeable, then what’s it for, morals? Is there a morality to artistic authenticity? Like, besides counterfeiting paintings. More like lip syncing, really. This is lip syncing for podcasters. This is the boy band, paid to look handsome and dance version of podcasting. Do I pull it off well? I will full on accept a giant check to sell out. Pass me whatever, I’ll make it work. Just don’t make it political, I think that’s my thing. I couldn’t understand a political situation to save my life. I would end up a hated figure on both sides of any issue, like that Combes guy from the Bush era, the token liberal on fox news. That’s my political spirit animal right there. The guy conservatives hired to make liberals look stupid. I think that’s about as clear of a political statement as anyone is going to get out of me, and I guess I’m glad it was on a pre-written episode. In my defense, though, I wrote it in like thirty minutes of mostly typing. So anyway, that’s the Scott Take. If you like this written episode, let me know! If you don’t, also let me know. This is a two way podcast I just decided. It’s written down too, so that’s as official as it gets. Anyway. Thanks for listening. My name is scott kraus and this is the scott take.