When it hurts, whether in my heart or body, my mind focuses there. Relentlessly.
This focus doesn’t produce much, but rather distracts me. There’s a lot I have to do without thinking of my own hurt. I have work to do. I have to take care of my body.
So the temptation is to numb it. This is fine for some things. Aches, or little annoyances. But numbing anything greater takes your mind with it, and your body.
Life aches. When I was very young and my bones were growing it hurt and there was nothing that could be done. Although I remember my mother rubbing my shins until I fell asleep.
And lately I’ve had friends who can make a whole night pass by with light conversation.
If you live alone long enough you begin to see it. There are connections like nerves between people. To be alone is to have those nerve endings frayed and in the open, in the cold or the heat, brushing against hard unforgiving things.
When you get back with people those frayed ends find connection, and it feels like healing. It feels like falling asleep, back through a dream and into a bright morning.